Lemony snicket the wide windows

The Wide Window

The third book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series, 1999

I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.

If you didn’t know much about the Baudelaire orphans, and you saw them sitting on their suitcases at Damocles Dock, you might think that they were bound for an exciting adventure. After all, the three children had just disembarked from the Fickle Ferry, which had driven them across Lake Lachrymose to live with their Aunt Josephine, and in most cases such a situation would lead to thrillingly good times.

But of course you would be dead wrong. For although Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire were about to experience events that would be both exciting and memorable, they would not be exciting and memorable like having your fortune told or going to a rodeo. Their adventure would be exciting and memorable like being chased by a werewolf through a field of thorny bushes at midnight with nobody around to help you. If you are interested in reading a story filled with thrillingly good times, I am sorry to inform you that you are most certainly reading the wrong book, because the Baudelaires experience very few good times over the course of their gloomy and miserable lives. It is a terrible thing, their misfortune, so terrible that I can scarcely bring myself to write about it. So if you do not want to read a story of tragedy and sadness, this is your very last chance to put this book down, because the misery of the Baudelaire orphans begins in the very next paragraph.

«Look what I have for you,» Mr. Poe said, grinning from ear to ear and holding out a small paper bag. «Peppermints!» Mr. Poe was a banker who had been placed in charge of handling the affairs of the Baudelaire orphans after their parents died. Mr. Poe was kindhearted, but it is not enough in this world to be kindhearted, particularly if you are responsible for keeping children out of danger. Mr. Poe had known the three children since they were born, and could never remember that they were allergic to peppermints.

«Thank you, Mr. Poe,» Violet said, and took the paper bag and peered inside. Like most fourteen-year-olds, Violet was too well mannered to mention that if she ate a peppermint she would break out in hives, a phrase which here means «be covered in red, itchy rashes for a few hours.» Besides, she was too occupied with inventing thoughts to pay much attention to Mr. Poe. Anyone who knew Violet would know that when her hair was tied up in a ribbon to keep it out of her eyes, the way it was now, her thoughts were filled with wheels, gears, levers, and other necessary things for inventions. At this particular moment she was thinking of how she could improve the engine of the Fickle Ferry so it wouldn’t belch smoke into the gray sky.

«That’s very kind of you,» said Klaus, the middle Baudelaire child, smiling at Mr. Poe and thinking that if he had even one lick of a peppermint, his tongue would swell up and he would scarcely be able to speak. Klaus took his glasses off and wished that Mr. Poe had bought him a book or a newspaper instead. Klaus was a voracious reader, and when he had learned about his allergy at a birthday party when he was eight, he had immediately read all his parents’ books about allergies. Even four years later he could recite the chemical formulas that caused his tongue to swell up.

«Toi!» Sunny shrieked. The youngest Baudelaire was only an infant, and like many infants, she spoke mostly in words that were tricky to understand. By «Toi!» she probably meant «I have never eaten a peppermint because I suspect that I, like my siblings, am allergic to them,» but it was hard to tell. She may also have meant «I wish I could bite a peppermint, because I like to bite things with my four sharp teeth, but I don’t want to risk an allergic reaction.»

«You can eat them on your cab ride to Mrs. Anwhistle’s house,» Mr. Poe said, coughing into his white handkerchief. Mr. Poe always seemed to have a cold and the Baudelaire orphans were accustomed to receiving information from him between bouts of hacking and wheezing. «She apologizes for not meeting you at the dock, but she says she’s frightened of it.»

«Why would she be frightened of a dock?» Klaus asked, looking around at the wooden piers and sailboats.

«She’s frightened of anything to do with Lake Lachrymose,» Mr. Poe said, «but she didn’t say why. Perhaps it has to do with her husband’s death. Your Aunt Josephine-she’s not really your aunt, of course; she’s your second cousin’s sister-in-law, but asked that you call her Aunt Josephine-your Aunt Josephine lost her husband recently, and it may be possible that he drowned or died in a boat accident. It didn’t seem polite to ask how she became a dowager. Well, let’s put you in a taxi.»

«What does that word mean?» Violet asked.

Mr. Poe looked at Violet and raised his eyebrows. «I’m surprised at you, Violet,» he said. «A girl of your age should know that a taxi is a car which will drive you someplace for a fee. Now, let’s gather your luggage and walk to the curb.»

«‘Dowager,'» Klaus whispered to Violet, «is a fancy word for ‘widow.'»

«Thank you,» she whispered back, picking up her suitcase in one hand and Sunny in the other. Mr. Poe was waving his handkerchief in the air to signal a taxi to stop, and in no time at all the cabdriver piled all of the Baudelaire suitcases into the trunk and Mr. Poe piled the Baudelaire children into the back seat.

«I will say good-bye to you here,» Mr. Poe said. «The banking day has already begun, and I’m afraid if I go with you out to Aunt Josephine’s I will never get anything done. Please give her my best wishes, and tell her that I will keep in touch regularly.» Mr. Poe paused for a moment to cough into his handkerchief before continuing. «Now, your Aunt Josephine is a bit nervous about having three children in her house, but I assured her that you three were very well behaved. Make sure you mind your manners, and, as always, you can call or fax me at the bank if there’s any sort of problem. Although I don’t imagine anything will go wrong this time.»

When Mr. Poe said «this time,» he looked at the children meaningfully as if it were their fault that poor Uncle Monty was dead. But the Baudelaires were too nervous about meeting their new caretaker to say anything more to Mr. Poe except «So long.»

«So long,» Violet said, putting the bag of peppermints in her pocket.

«So long,» Klaus said, taking one last look at Damocles Dock.

«Frul!» Sunny shrieked, chewing on her seat belt buckle.

«So long,» Mr. Poe replied, «and good luck to you. I will think of the Baudelaires as often as I can.»

Mr. Poe gave some money to the taxi driver and waved good-bye to the three children as the cab pulled away from the dock and onto a gray, cobblestoned street. There was a small grocery store with barrels of limes and beets out front. There was a clothing store called Look! It Fits!, which appeared to be undergoing renovations. There was a terrible-looking restaurant called the Anxious Clown, with neon lights and balloons in the window. But mostly, there were many stores and shops that were all closed up, with boards or metal gratings over the windows and doors.

«The town doesn’t seem very crowded,» Klaus remarked. «I was hoping we might make some new friends here.»

«It’s the off-season,» the cabdriver said. He was a skinny man with a skinny cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and as he talked to the children he looked at them through the rear-view mirror. «The town of Lake Lachrymose is a resort, and when the nice weather comes it’s as crowded as can be. But around now, things here are as dead as the cat I ran over this morning. To make new friends, you’ll have to wait until the weather gets a little better. Speaking of which, Hurricane Herman is expected to arrive in town in a week or so. You better make sure you have enough food up there in the house.»

The Wide Window

The Wide Window

Book Information

Released

Pages

Number in Series

Recurring Themes

Spine Color

Border

Ex Libris

Baudelaires’ Guardian

Library

Olaf’s Disguise

Final Image

Letter to the Editor

Audio

Theme

It was adapted into a film, which was adapted into a video game.

The book was later adapted into the TV series produced by Netflix as the fifth and sixth episodes of season 1.

In this book, the Baudelaires are sent to live with a woman who is afraid of everything, yet lives in a house perched on the side of a cliff with stilts.

Contents

Dear Reader

If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you read even one more sentence, you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives, I am sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and the one you are holding may be the worst of them all.

If you haven’t got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, a signaling device, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup, a horrible villain, and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this book will probably fill you with despair.

I will continue to record these tragic tales, for that is what I do. You, however, should decide for yourself whether you can possibly endure this miserable story.

With all due respect,

Dedication

The Baudelaires waiting for their taxi at Damocles Dock.

The book begins with Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire sitting at Damocles Dock in the town of Lake Lachrymose, which lies next to the lake with the same name. Mr. Poe, the manager of their estate, arranges a taxi to drive the Baudelaires to the top of a high hill where their new home awaits. As the taxi pulls into the driveway, the orphans find themselves at a house on stilts perilously perched on the edge of the hilltop that looked out on the lake.

Inside, they find their new guardian waiting for them, Aunt Josephine Anwhistle, although she is not their real aunt, she is their second cousin’s sister-in-law. She is a kind-hearted, yet peculiar and paranoid woman who has practically every fear there could be. For example, she is afraid to use the stove because according to her, it may start a fire, so she serves them cold cucumber soup. Along with fearing realtors and putting cans at doors to warn off burglars, Josephine also fears that a doorknob could shatter into a million tiny pieces and one shard may hit her eye, so she instructs the Baudelaires to push on the door. Josephine also considers grammar to be the greatest joy in life and is happy to teach Sunny proper English.

Aunt Josephine gives the Baudelaires gifts they do not like; a doll for Violet, a model train set for Klaus and a rattle for Sunny. To be polite, they accept them, although they trade with each other; Klaus gives Violet the model train to tinker with, Violet gives Sunny the doll to bite on, unfortunately only leaving Klaus with only a rattle which they know is unfair, although he takes it with stride.

Within Aunt Josephine’s house is a library filled only with grammar books and a large window (the titular Wide Window) at the far end of the room, which offers a spectacular view of Lake Lachrymose. It is here where Aunt Josephine recounts the tale of her last day on the shores of the lake with her husband, Ike Anwhistle, and how he met his end due to the carnivorous Lachrymose Leeches, which have the ability to smell food on a human if he or she does not wait an hour before going into the water. Ike only waited forty-five minutes. Josephine becomes upset and cries while remembering what happened to Ike, and wishes she could move somewhere else. The Baudelaires offer to go with her, but Josephine replies that she is too terrified of realtors and could never sell her house. The Baudelaires come to believe that Ike is the cause of her sadness.

Captain Sham ( Count Olaf in Disguise )

After telling Aunt Josephine of Hurricane Herman’s approach, they set about gathering supplies for the storm. While in the town market, they encounter Count Olaf, disguised as a sailor named Captain Sham. The three children attempt to warn Aunt Josephine about Captain Sham’s true identity, but she does not believe them due to Sham’s charm, his use of a peg leg to hide his tattoo of an eye on his left ankle, and because he has a business card — despite that anyone can go to a print shop and have business cards say whatever they want. Josephine notices a grammatical error, as it says «Every ship has it’s own sail» with an apostrophe in what should be «its». The Baudelaires can sense his annoyance at her, concerned he may kick her in anger, but he forces a smile before leaving.

During dinner that evening, Aunt Josephine receives a phone call from Captain Sham, and she then sends the children to their bedroom. The Baudelaires lie awake for what feels like hours, trying to get themselves and Aunt Josephine out of the situation with Captain Sham before eventually falling asleep. They are later awakened by a sudden sound of shattering glass and immediately go to investigate. Upon searching the house for any trace of Aunt Josephine, the Baudelaires come to the library where they find a suicide note from their aunt and discover that the Wide Window had shattered.

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny- By the time you read this note, my life will be at it‘s end. My heart is as cold as Ike, and I find life inbearable. I know your children may not understand the sad life of a dowadger, or what would have leaded me to this desperate akt, but please know that I am much happier this way. As my last will and testament, I leave you in the care of Captain Sham, a kind and honorable men. Please think of me kindly even though I’d done this terrible thing. -Your Aunt Josephine

Although filled with grammar mistakes the children know Aunt Josephine would never have made, the note says that Captain Sham is to be their new guardian. The children then conclude that Count Olaf is behind it and decide to call Mr. Poe who will come tomorrow.

The next day, Mr. Poe comes and the Baudelaires burst into tears. Mr. Poe comforts the Baudelaires in his arms. Mr. Poe informs the children that like him or not, Captain Sham is to be their new guardian per Josephine’s last will and testament written in the note, especially after they perform a cross-check with Josephine’s grocery list and find out the note is not a forgery. Mr. Poe calls Captain Sham and upon hearing the news from Mr. Poe, Sham offers to take he and the three children to lunch at a local restaurant, The Anxious Clown.

Larry, your waiter.

At the restaurant, where a certain waiter attempts to give them a code, needing more time to find the truth behind Aunt Josephine’s suicide and strangely written note, Violet decides to take drastic action and gives her siblings a peppermint, which the children are terribly allergic to. Almost immediately, the children break out in hives and their tongues swell, causing Mr. Poe to allow them to go back up to Aunt Josephine’s house.

As they reach the hilltop, the effects of Hurricane Herman could be felt, as the rain had started to fall and the wind had begun to pick up. While Violet and Sunny attempt to take a baking soda bath to relieve their itchy hives, Klaus returns to the library to see if he could make out anything about Aunt Josephine’s note. As his sisters return to his side, Klaus reveals that Aunt Josephine had purposefully written the note to hide a message reading «Curdled Cave». They conclude that Aunt Josephine is in fact not dead, merely hiding.

Aunt Josephine’s house falls into the lake.

Upon this discovery, however, the hurricane had reached its peak force. The children hurry to find a map to locate Curdled Cave and resolve to look under Aunt Josephine’s bed; as she had told them she had hidden anything to do with Lake Lachrymose away after Ike died. After finding an atlas of Lake Lachrymose, a bolt of lightning strikes one of the many supports holding Aunt Josephine’s house up on the cliffside. After a narrow escape, the Baudelaires watch as the house is ripped from the side of the cliff and falls into the lake below.

The children then hurry to the docks to find Fickle Ferry shut down due to the hurricane. Needing to get across Lake Lachrymose to Curdled Cave, the children decide to take a sailboat from Captain Sham. The gates to the docks are locked, however, and the keys are in the hand of the sleeping Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender inside a shack by the gate posing as a security guard. While Klaus and Violet attempt to make a plan, Sunny goes in to steal the keys from the henchperson and succeeds. After a few moments, however, the henchperson comes lumbering out the door and grabs Violet and Sunny while Klaus is fumbling with the keys trying to open the gate. The obese henchperson then picks up Klaus with their mouth and begins walking back to the shack. However, they slip on the atlas of Lake Lachrymose and this gives the Baudelaires enough time to escape and steal a sailboat.

They sail out through Hurricane Herman to Curdled Cave where they find Aunt Josephine. She tells the children that Count Olaf made her write the note, but instead of killing herself, she left the message and threw a footstool through the window to give the appearance that she committed suicide. The Baudelaires try to convince her to sail with them back to town to tell Mr. Poe what had happened, but she refuses. Klaus points out to her that the cave is for sale, and realtors would surely come to see it. This is enough for Aunt Josephine to agree, her fear of realtors overpowering her fear of Count Olaf.

A Lachrymose Leech.

After sailing to the center of the vast lake, they are attacked by the Lachrymose Leeches. Aunt Josephine had regretted to point out that she had eaten a banana shortly before the children had arrived, causing the leeches to attack due to the scent of food. The leeches immediately begin to eat away at the boat attempting to get to Aunt Josephine. Violet creates a fiery signal using Aunt Josephine’s hairnet, a bit of sailcloth, and a fishing pole and her knowledge of the scientific principles of the refraction and convergence of light to help catch the attention of another boat. The signal gets the attention of one sailor on the water, Count Olaf.

Aunt Josephine drowning.

He allows the children and their aunt aboard his sailboat, just as theirs sinks from the leeches onslaught. Olaf is angered at Josephine for faking her death and threatens to kill her, saying no one will believe a dead woman. Josephine pleads with Olaf to allow her to live and that she will go far away, go into hiding, and let him keep the Baudelaires and their fortune. Olaf is almost convinced, however, when Aunt Josephine corrects a slip of grammar on Olaf’s part, he throws her into the water and sails the boat back to the dock, leaving Aunt Josephine to fend for herself against the swarming leeches.

When they arrive back at the docks, Mr. Poe is just fixing to hand the children over to Captain Sham when Sunny bites into his fake wooden leg breaking it in half, revealing his tattoo and real leg beneath. Olaf then locks the gates to Damocles Dock and once again escapes with the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender and leaves the Baudelaire children searching for someone else to care for them.

Foreshadowing

Final picture

Mr. Poe being useless and unhelpful.

In the final picture, Mr. Poe can be seen clutching at a closed gate, watching as Count Olaf and the Enormous Androgynous Person escape. On the side of a building in the picture hangs a sign in the shape of a pair of glasses with a pair of squinting eyes, referencing Dr. Orwell’s Office in The Miserable Mill.

Letter to the Editor

To My Kind Editor,

I am writing to you from the Paltryville Town Hall, where I have convinced the mayor to allow me inside the eye-shaped office of Dr. Orwell in order to further investigate what happened to the Baudelaire orphans while they were living in the area.

Next Friday, a black jeep will be in the northwest corner of the parking lot of the Orion Observatory. Break into it. In the glove compartment, you should find my description of this frightening chapter in the Baudelaires’ lives, entitled THE MISERABLE MILL, as well as some information on hypnosis, a surgical mask, and sixty-eight sticks of gum. I have also included the blueprint of the pincher machine, which I believe Mr. Helquist will find useful for his illustrations.

Remember, you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can finally be told to the general public.